I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I sat there, my phone in one hand, my other hand resting on my 37-week round belly. It had come time to make this call, it had been coming for a while but I had been putting it off. There was no putting it off anymore, this baby was coming soon and I had had to make the call.
I remember my dread, my fear of judgment, my bones shaking as I said the words to my mom. Spilling my greatest fear in the world, something I had been scared to say out loud for months. Scared to spill out to the universe, the words floating out to the world as they left my lips. “Will I ever love this baby as much as our first?” I asked my mom.
It had been something that had been rolling around the back of my mind for the past few months. Every time I looked at my daughter, I wondered. How could I possibly love another child as much as I loved her? Will I have enough love for them both? Will I be enough for them both?
It’s a fear that every mom has, at one point of motherhood. We wonder as we rub our growing tummy, will I have enough love? Will I be enough? Most of us are scared to say it out loud. It’s a fear that I don’t think that anyone really talks about. No one ever explains to a mom the second, third, or fourth time around.
With your second pregnancy you have new fears. Yes, you know what is to come but there is a whole new set of expectations and new truths.
You will have enough love. It’s amazing how you never thought you could love someone that much, and when you hold that new baby, the second baby, you feel all the joy and love as you did with your first.
Love is an amazing thing that way, the moment when you think there is no way you can have more… it appears. It’s magic!
When I was approaching the end of my second pregnancy, after months of bed rest and time that had been taken away from my first born. I was scared, I was scared I was going to resent this child from taking that time away from her. Will I be frustrated when I have to nurse instead of play blocks on the floor with her? Will I be too burnt out after a long night with a new born to give her the attention she needs?
I was full of fear the second time around.
However, after my mom claiming reassuring me that this feeling was normal and that it will all be ok. She was right, we adjusted. Yes, our family changed. However, I did find that I had more then enough love for them both. I could give them both what they needed. It was not easy at times, but we learned along the way, we made it work.
I think its important for moms out there to realize its normal to have that fear. It’s a fear that never really goes away. We may lay in bed at night feeling guilty that we were not enough today. As long as you showered your kids with love and laughter, you were enough today. You gave them just want they needed. You’re a Great mom!