I stood in my kitchen today, the baby was having a hysterical screaming fit because he would rather have a cookie than the meal that sat on his favorite plate in front of him.  The toddler sitting at the kitchen table, repeatedly telling me that she did not like ketchup. A condiment that was not even sitting on the table, let alone her plate.

I smiled, I smiled in that moment of pure chaos and noise, because these are the moments I will miss someday.

We will one day miss those mispronounced toddler words. We will miss those clunky high chairs we have to scrub down ever night. We will miss those moments where we want to throw in the towel and just give in to their demands. We will miss those moments of sheer defeat.

As I think back to when my oldest was born, there were so many nights that I would walk our tiny kitchen floor, back and forth. Listening to her wail for hours, and hours… and hours. I put on miles that first year, like literally hundreds of miles! As walking was the only thing that would calm her.

I look back and my heart begs for those nights. Just her and me. By the dim light of the microwave clock. As I hummed “you are my sunshine” over and over again. Kissing those little brown curls on her head, and breathing in that sweet baby smell.

I now miss those moments of sleepless nights. That feeling of sleep desperation that you can feel in your bones. That warm body pressed against mine. I miss those moments.

One of my now favorite memories of when my son was a new born took place when he was only fourteen days old. We had just gotten back from my sister’s busy wedding weekend and both kids had come down with a croupy cough. Since my husband had to go back to work, and both kids were requiring tons of snuggle time we took to the couch late one night. I sat there for two nights, holding my sleeping coughing babies. Watching ‘The Office’ on Netflix in a lame attempt to stay awake. The humidifier blowing steam in our faces, big blankets covering us. I sat there in the dark that night, with my new born baby sleeping on my chest, my toddlers head resting on my lap. Trying so hard to stay awake. Listening to their hacking cough all night.

 

I thought I was not going to make it that night, so beaten down and over whelmed as new mom of two. However, those are the days I miss most now. They were so small, and it was the first time I really realized that I was a mom of two amazing strong babies!

 

I smile now, looking back at those moments. Those moments of parenting where you feel like you can’t go on. You surrender to those little souls that control your whole world. Those are the moments you feel defeated the most but you hold so dear to your heart later.

It’s hard to see it in that moment, but those are the moments we will one day miss!!