Last Night I Made A List…

 

last night i made a listLast night, I sat down and put pen to paper. I made a list. A list of things I could no longer do.

A list of everything that I needed to cut from my life. (Even just for a while.)

Hours before, I had sat in a parking lot- slowly blinking through my tears. Looking up at the Post Office sign which was blurred from the mountain of emotions I was facing. The thought of gathering the kids and walking inside just felt like too much.

I was overwhelmed, overly tired and burnt out. I broke down at the thought that every other mom out there was doing it all. What was wrong with me that I could not?

Why was I failing at motherhood? When had the joy been replaced with the guilt and the non-stop feeling of failing.

I had taken on too much. I had said yes to too many things. I was just not able to do it all…

In that moment I felt like a failure compared to all those other moms that just made motherhood look like such a breeze. A flawless effort.

I realize that I could not compare myself to them.

In that moment, I realized had to break some commitments, instead of allowing them to breaking me.

So last night I made a list. A list of things that had to be put on the back burner. Things that had to fade away so I could see my family in a clearer light.

I had to take the time to take care of me, so I COULD take care of them.

I made a list of my priorities- I’m going to make motherhood full of joy again.

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