Last night, I sat down and put pen to paper. I made a list. A list of things I could no longer do.
A list of everything that I needed to cut from my life. (Even just for a while.)
Hours before, I had sat in a parking lot- slowly blinking through my tears. Looking up at the Post Office sign which was blurred from the mountain of emotions I was facing. The thought of gathering the kids and walking inside just felt like too much.
I was overwhelmed, overly tired and burnt out. I broke down at the thought that every other mom out there was doing it all. What was wrong with me that I could not?
Why was I failing at motherhood? When had the joy been replaced with the guilt and the non-stop feeling of failing.
I had taken on too much. I had said yes to too many things. I was just not able to do it all…
In that moment I felt like a failure compared to all those other moms that just made motherhood look like such a breeze. A flawless effort.
I realize that I could not compare myself to them.
In that moment, I realized had to break some commitments, instead of allowing them to breaking me.
So last night I made a list. A list of things that had to be put on the back burner. Things that had to fade away so I could see my family in a clearer light.
I had to take the time to take care of me, so I COULD take care of them.
I made a list of my priorities- I’m going to make motherhood full of joy again.